Posts Tagged ‘saja-saja’

A New and Productive Me

This is an endless repetition. I remember visiting an old time friend from my high school days. I was telling her about wanting to start this new me with lots of self-improvement, and she said; “You memang dari dulu pun dok macam ni dah” ( You’ve always been this way – wanting to improve this and that). It was gratifying, adn deflating, and yet gratifying in a twisted way. I had forgotten about how I was in those years, and it was always gratifying to know that your friend noticed and cared enough about you to remember.  It was deflating of course to know that I had been wanting to improve ever since – without having much to show. I am still this disorganized person wanting to be more organized. Brings back the old saying from my high  school days; “sampai bila lah lu! – (when are you ever gonna – ever- succeed?) And gratification in a twisted way- if I had consistently been trying to improve myself; wouldn’t I have succeeded at least to some degree?

I remember in the old days, when I decide to one day, have a geography notebook as beautiful as Mahiran’s. ( she’s the beautifulest in the face, most hardworking, and also had the most beautiful geography notebook with all the maps drawn in color. She probably is a general surgeon by now, and I bet with awet muda face and body too) So I borrowed her note- book and tried to emulate her in geography. I think the project ended after the second page. A bit later in my teens, it was in the first year of college, I decided that a friend was succesful at two things. She was quiet and religious, and she has a small petite figure. I was small too –  but think flabby petite.  the more appropriate  description for me was short and dumpy. Anyway,  I decided for the day to ape her word for word and bite for bite.   Being kind-hearted, she enquired why I was so  glum and moody for the day.  She thought the reason for my being depressed was so funny, and she told me that people like me should try to earn pahala taking, and not by being quiet.  A wise teenager- my friend was, she taught me a philosophy for life;  for I stopped then, trying to be someone I was not.

However, I had not stopped on trying to be a better me. and today is another day of trying to be a more productive me.

What are the steps that I need to take?

I think I have finished two hours on FB and this, aiyya. never, I still have half day today, anad heh heh did scarlett o hara said this? tomorrow will be another day?