Archive for the ‘disiplin diri’ Category

Tukar Tajuk Blog Lagi!!!!!

Ini kali ketiga saya menukarkan tajuk blog peribadi – mencerminkan perubahan tema dan fokus dalam kehidupan. Tajuk pertama; “semua mau” melambangkan personaliti saya yang sukakan terlalu banyak perkara – sebolehnya- saya ingin melakukan kesemuanya. Setelah memasuki ke alam menghampiri akhir hayat- saya melebihkan fokus kepada persediaan akhirat, maka apa yang saya lakukan adalah sesuatu yang dilakukan secara sambilan sementara menunggu dipanggil Allah. Rupa-rupanya masih belum lagi dipanggil Allah – – Allah masih mahu saya bertugas lagi di dunia ini. Bila memikirkan kembali apa kegunaa diri yang masih boleh diberikan kepada masyarakat –  saya dapati  saya masih bersikap “semua mau” – ditambah dengan rasa terkejar-kejar disebabkan oleh kesuntukan masa. Maka sekarang ini saya mengintegrasi kedua dua falsafah yang tak pernah ditinggalkan- sekadar berubah fokus, iaitu saya berazam untuk melakukan sebanyak mana yang saya boleh – semuanya saya mau- sementara menunggu panggilan Ilahi.

 

Ya Allah berikan daku fokus untuk memilih pekerjaan-pekerjaan yang paling berbaloi untuk kemaslahatan umat dan  untuk bekalan akhiratku. Berikan daku keberkesanan dalam melakukan tugasan-tugasan tersebut. Peliharalah diriku dari maksiat, lagha dan kelekaan masa.
Sahabat dan saudaraku, blog ini tentu sekali tidak ada pentutupnya kerana Allah tidak memberitahu kita bila kita akan dipanggil. Saya akan terus berprojek dan berkejar dalam pecutan terakhir ini- dan antara projek pilihan saya adalah pengisian kepada blog ini dengan jangkaan ia dapt memberi manafaat kepada sesiapayang sudi mengambil manafaat darinya untuk mendekatkan dii kepada Allah. Jika saya sudah tiada, mohon rujuk kepada artikel-artikel wasiat  sebagai kata penutup dari saya.

 

 

Cerita Cinderella versi Sintok

Ini cerita Cinderella, tapi versi sintoklah. Heroinnya adalah sayalah. Ceritanya ada persamaan setakat jam 12.00 sahaja. tak ada kakak tiri, dan tak ada mak tiri, cuma ada mak mertua  @ mak mermuda sahaja sebagai heroin cerita.  Prince charming adalah juga, tapi watak tak penting, sebgab cerita Ustaz komputer@ bapa mertua @ bapa kerkuda cuma satu line sahaja. Ceritanya begini.

Pada suatu hari, ada seorang mak mermuda. Oleh kerana dia kenduri  mneyambut menantu sakan, dia telah menundakan marking examnya sehingga selepas kenduri. Fikirnya, lepas kenduri nanti saya buatlah dengan tekun. Cerita ini diselang seli  dengan lagu lagu ala Disney- mak mermuda menanyikan lagu tema yang berbunyi begini;

tekun dan sabar, sabar dan tekun ( ulang sebanyak yang larat)

Oleh kerana mak mermuda glaed dengan kenduri kendara, lepas tu pula ghaled dengan nak training  kakak kambodia baru sampai, di selang  melayan tiga abdul yang kebetulan juga cuti pada dua minggu tersebut, dan Ustadz Ilyas yang tidak lagi pergi ke nursery oleh kerana kakak kambodia sudah sampai, maka beberapa hari terakhir yang ada penuh dengan cerita mak mermuda membawa tiga abdul ke pejabat dan terlena  hanya dengan membaca satu dua krip jawapan sahaja.

Kebetulan juga mak mermuda telah hilang kacamata separuh power yang digunakan khas untuk membaca skrilp tulisan budak budak yang sangat hodoh hodoh. (budak budak tu comel dan handsome, tapi tulisan mereka kemut  kerepot dan hodoh hodoh. Maka berair lah mata pensyarah lama ini, walaupun mak mermuda, tetapi sudah dapat pangkat pensyarah tua, apakan daya.

Maka pada hari terakhir, yang telah pun diberi oleh lpihak berkuasa UUM tarikh lanjut seminggu, masih perlu menghantar satu abdul ke perlis, kemudian pulang, singgah ke kedai cermin mata untuk menempah semula cermian mata separuh kuasa, yang diharapkan akan mempercepatkapensyarah lama ini membaca tulisan  kemut kerepot itu. Oleh kerana kedai  cermin mata berada dalam pasar minggu,  majikan baru kakak kambodia pun terpanggil pula untuk membeli bahan mentah untuk dibawa pulang dan teruskan program latihan pembantu di rumah- di bawah program azam baru menjadi mak mertua yang mengamalkan memasak.

DIpendekkan cerita, pada jam 11.30 tamat marking skrip dengan jayanya. Jam 11.40 berjaya meneyelsaikan senaria markah dengan bantuan abdul ketiga. (Dengan selingan abdul keempat, iaitu Ustadz Ilyas telah berjaya masuk ke bilik memeriksa kertas skrip,  merebut satu kertas skrip, kemudian mengamuk dan kemudian muntah, dan kemudian good mood.)

11.40 mlm  Prince charming terlena bersama Ustadz Ilyas, jadi  heroin kena bawa kereta sendiri ke taman siswa , pejabat yayasan, kerana dirumah tak ada internet. Sedang bersungguh sungguh memasukkan markah, pada tepat jam 12.00, tepat sekali peraturan UUM, maka protal akademik pun padam dengan keluar paapran no pegawai untuk dihubungi.

maka Cinderela pun terjepuk di tengah malam,  terlepas  portal dan secara otomatik jatuh menjadi marhain yang boleh diambil tindakan oleh pihak berkuasa, dan terpaksalah besoknya jatuh standard, mengkow tow dan merayu kepada pihak pihak yang berkenaan. Maka cinderella pun kenalah on quest mencari borang rayuan yang perlu disikan suapya portal dibuka semula. Seperti cerita  cerita yang lain, portal apabila dibuka semula, dah tak serupa lagi seperti yang asal, penuh dengan cabaran yang dahsyat, hinggakan terpaksa memasukkan markah satu persatu, tak boleh lagi guna senarai sepuluh-sepuluh.

Jam berdetik lagi, kali ini cinderella perlu mengejar jam duabelas tengahari pula….. dipendekkan cerita…ping. selesailah tugas projek ngam ngam, yang telah terlucut menjadi projek terlepas portal.

Pengajaran dari cerita ini adalah- jangan tangguh tangguh, nanti maruah tergadai. Semoga yang menceritakan  akan dapat mengambil pengajaran cari penceritaan sendiri.

Belum mati, masih azam baru setiap hari

Assalamualaikum sahabat dan saudara,

alhamdulillah, belum mati lagi, dan masih berazam baru setiap hari, berazam untuk menjadi hamba Allah yang lebih taat, berazam untuk menjadi pendakwah yang lebih berkesan.

Saya telah mengubah tajuk blog saya dari SEMUA MAU – kepada tajuk di atas. Saya masih bersikap semua mau, iaitu, jika diberi pilihan dalam hidup, aya memang akan memilih untuk merasakan sebanak-banyaknya pangalaman yang dizinkan oleh ALlah, cuma meniti dari hari ke sehari, saya merasakan tema hidup yang paling perlu ditonjolkan  kepada diri dan rakan adalah situasi sebenarnya, iaitu saya dalam keadaan hidu menungu mati, menungu untuk berjumpa dengan Allah. Tak tahulah bila Allah akan menjemput saya, yang pasti, ianya akan tiba, dan yang pasti, jjika saya masih menaip lagi, iainya bukan sekarang. Jadi situasi saya menulis tentulah dalam keadaan semasa dalam menunggu waktu dijemput oleh Allah.

 

Saya selalu memberi gambaran kepada rakan bahawa gaya hidup kita yang paling sesuai adalah seperti orang yang bersedia untuk memulakan perjalan: pakaian telah disimpan di dalam beg, bekalan dan perancanga perjalanan telah di atur. CUma kita tidak memandu sendiri, kita pelu menunggu teksi malaikat maut untuk menjemput. Sementara menuggu, dengan beg telah tersimpan, kita tetap perlu memenuhi keperluan hidup, perlu makan, tidur, ke tandas dll. Tapi melakukannya, sepaptunya adal kadar dan mengikut keperluan sahaja ( kerana tak mahulah kita dihonkan teksi semasa sedang membina rumah baru- rugi saja tingalkan rumah baru tersebut.

 

Cuma saya dapati dalam gambaran saya tadi ada kekurangannya. Iaitu jika seseorag sedang menunggu untuk mula perjalanan, mungkin dia sudah tidak minat lagi untuk berbuat apa-apa kepada tempat yang nak ditinggalkannya itu.  Saya sendiri kalau akan memulakan perjalanan, makan pun dah tak ‘lalu’.

 

Maka saya betulkan sedikit falsafah hidup peribadi saya. Iaitu, sementara kita menunggu untuk memulakan perjalanan yang  kita tidak tahu entah bila, kita tak patutu menghabiskan masa dan tenaga, dan meningkatkan stres menungu. Kita harus berfikiran tenang, dan memenuhi masa menunggu kita dengan ikhtiar-ikhtiar menambahkan bekalan. Maka saya perlu modify sedikit gambaran saya, saya akan ke perjalanan yang tidak lagi kembali ( menag itu pun hakikat sebenarnya!) maka saya harus bergegas untuk mempersiapkan sebanyak yang mungkin kepada tanggungan-tanggungan yang saya akan tinggalkan- berpesan kepada mereka, menngingakan kepada mereka mengenai perjalanan yang mereka akan tempuhi juga. Tak bolehlah saya selfish dan hanya memikirkan perjalanan saya seorang sahaja.  Juga untuk diri saya, selagi teksi belum datag, tidakkan bijak jika saya bergegas ke sini ke sana dan menambahkan bekal perjalanan saya , dan bukan hanya mengharap dengan bekalan husnul zan sahaja kepada Allah bahawa Allah akan sediakan semuanya untuk saya.

Maka, sekaragn, saya tidak lagi duduk dengan senang hati menunggu teksi malaikat maut, tetapi insyallah akan bergegas ke saa ke sini, membuat apa saja untuk menambahkan bekalan diri, untuk mengingatkan orang yang akan ditinggalkan untk membekalkan diri mereka juga.

 

Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan kepada saya untuk melakukan sedemikian dengan terbaik dan ter berkesan 🙂 . Semoga perjalanan saya mendapat lindungan rahmat dari ALlah, dan semoga pesanan yang  sempat saya tinggalkan diizinkan ALlah untuk memperingatkan seramai orang yang mungkin untuk bersedia  menghadapi perjalan mereka sendiri menuju Allah, Amin Ya Rabal Aa’lamin. Walaupun aku belum yakin dengan persediaan diri, aku rindu untuk berjumpa mu Ya Allah. Dan selagi no giliran ku belum tiba, aku berjanji yan ALlah, untuk menggunakan sepenuhnya umur yang engkau berikan untuk mencari kebaikan da menyebarkan kebaikan, ya ALlah- batulah aku dalam ikhtiar ini Ya Allah.

 

Sabbatikal

ha ha, found this draft in the bin, wrtitten in Jan- and look what’s written in it- NOTHING! That just shows how wonderful my sabbatical was, when the time flew so fast that I did not manage to put even one word in.

 

I am posting this anyway. Hello, it’s almost a month past my sabbatcial already and I am supposed to submit my book, which as it is now is… errr unfinished (actually it’s  nearer to just started.. but please don’t tell anyone from my workplace… shhh) I’m gonna pretend to give it a few finishing touch (make a mad dash of  marathon typing)

pray for me, everybody!

Here We Go Again!!!!!

If I am posting in the self-disciplinary category again, it means that I have one (or more) overdue assignment, and a looming threat from some kind of authority, and I would be desperately trying to get something done fast, and of course, when I need to get something urgent done fast, I’d – he he – get the urge to come to this blog and waste my precious energy on a post in self- discipline ha ha!

So what is my big  bengkalai this time? a book  in return for the nine month of bliss spend in my sabbatical leave.

As awful as it sound, I did not exactly sold  my soul for the wonderful nine months ( oh if you could rewind the time and spend it over and over again!) For the time of my life, all I signed for was a book in exchange. It did not have to be a certain kind of book. According to the contract,  it does not matter if it is a  teeny weeny thin book, or a book with spelling errors, or a book of boring sentences – as long as as the book bears the title written in the contract.

So, why am I still not doing it?

Of course I have tons and tons of excuses for not writing it. he he, Baby Ilyas did not sleep at night. My mother took my maid and I had to do my own housework ( not that I did them) Oh and also I had to run my yayasan, plus I was also I ws busy learning Arabic.

One Hoarder’s Salvation

Last raya, my daughter brought home horror videos that gave  me goosebumps and queasy stomach aches. It wasn’t about vampires or and did not contain any violence. It was only a reality show that featured regular people troubled by the messy houses – only messy would be an understatement for their situation.

Apart from wondering how people could get entertained by seeing other people’s messes, I could not help taking notes and comparing those people to me and my own situation. Perhaps, the show is popular not for its entertainment value, but for its educational value.

I know I should have a mother’s pride and bop my daughter on the head for daring to show me the videos. Bop bop “Are you saying that I am a hoarder?” Bop bop bop. “Well if I am one, shouldn’t you have come home and help me unhoard?” more bops. heh heh.  But, I was too scared for mother’s pride, so I simply watched one after another while taking private notes.  If I am bad as a housekeeper, I pride myself in being a fast learner.  If ever I  identify what skills I need to learn, I wouuld learn fast.

Lesson no 1, I have to admit to myself that I am a hoarder. A mild one, maybe, and only confined to certain stuff- but nevertheless, I am one.

I have prided myself in living the zuhud, zimple life.  I have not more than five active dresses. I do not own a sofa or a tv set, and we eat on the floor in a an empty  kitchen; but, but but……… I have boxes and boxes of books stashed everywhere I could afford to stash. On campus, I have squirreled  unopened boxes on the floor around my office, in the electricity room, in a spare room I claimed as mine.  After a distinguished professor rightfully reclaimed the professor room, and the electrician evicting my boxes, I had to move them out.  I did manage to throw away all my phd references ( they could be retrieved electronically should anyone else want them, and face it, who would want references for a phd more thatn five years ago? )

So, while  watching the hoarders, I congratulated myself for this self-taught unhoarding philosophy, which, according to the show was the right one.

Unfortunately, the one step was not enough unhoarding. Only a few of my very old textbooks were put out to the public which were quickly grabbed by- heh heh young hoarders to be, I bet). The rest were painfully transported back to my storage house, waiting to be processed.

Yes, I have a storage house – a sure sign of being a hoarder. It used to be a temporary storage place, one of the rooms  I took, in the house that I rented for storing old clothes donated by other people.

Ok, I have a big trap for hoarding to be – I collect old clothes donated by other people, I sell them for charity money. At one point the clothes got so bad that I could not put in any new clothes donated, that I had to stop accepting new donation s.

The clothes are in control now. I have gotten a house rented for free from my kind-hearted university, and I now have a person paid to take care of the stuff. We have created a system for getting rid of unsold clothes – we pay people to shred them, stuff them, and sell them as small pretty pillows.

Although I made a fine move in my charity work, I wasn’t progressing on the personal area.  My one room store had grown into a whole house full of boxes of books and other stuff.

I have now moved to a new house, and in trying to restore some order to my life, I strictly brought only stuff that we needed to survive.  Stuff that had been in opened boxes were left unopened in the old house. We now have a livable non hoarders house now, but I have left behind in my old rented house, full of all those other unneeded stuff – solid proof that I am a certified, full scale, troubled hoarder.

Other things that I took note from the show:  there was this one lady (a fat one – I noticed that most of the hoarders were fat. Perhaps, we tend to hoard food in our bodies as well?). Anyway, this lady was so righteously upset with her hoarding husband that she gave him the line- shape up or ship out. However, when the cleaning team came in, she discovered that it was her who was holding on to the stuff more than him.  When the therapist confronted here, I  was as assaulted as her on learning that  she was actually a hoarder too – and a worse one than her husband! What a painful thing to learn and accept – for her and for me, too.

That was a tough pill to swallow. I had always blamed my situation to my husband- who seemed to not be able to throw away anything. But I had to admit- as my husband had always pointed out to his defense – most of the junk were mine, and I had never seen them as junk because I saw them as precious books.

So there I was, very upset with myself, and no one to turn to, and no plan on how to unhoard. To make things worse, my little kids, who had enjoyed wtching all the videos,  had learned the word and the concept of hoarding. They kept mentioning the H word  they see any similarity to the show- and that was of course – too often for comfort.

Apart from bop bopping them on the head, I could just wring my hands because I could not see yet how to get out of my situation. I had some plans on how I could contain my husband’s stuff, but I blanked out on mine.  My plane for him was to give him one tool shed to put his outdoor tools ( which I will not list here), and a room to put his indoor stuff ( such as photos from his pre marriage, camera crazy days;  text books from his undergraduate days, and loads and loads of official letters from the government to him as a teacher, and oh- students assignments and  collections of magazines which he planned to bind in hardcover)

I believe that if I confine his stuff to one room, I can still claim to be the good wife, and he can learn how to handle all his stuff within the two confined space. My plan is to-  once a year- go in there, change the boxes to new boxes – or maybe buy plastic containers  to make the junk more roach proof.  Should he die before me, I will mourn for him, and would respectfully transfer the junk – the next day or after. Should I die before him, I plan to  claim good wife-ship  for letting him hoard freely within the two confined space – and  well, let his future wife be forewarned. I believe in the story of blue beard where the wife gets beheaded for venturing into his no no room.

My plan for my own problem was less clear. I was  fine with throwing away my stuff, but I hesitated when it comes to books. For a book lover like me, they were sacred stuff. I couldn’t simply throw them in the trash – I am not American that way! And I could not give them to people because I was not confident that they would appreciate the books for what they are worth.

So, I simply went on paying rent, feeling stupid and  wretched doing it. I suffered and ‘the house’ problem was one of the main topics in my hajat prayers.

Alhamdulillah, some times ago, something happened, that opened a path for me to normalness and salvation.

A friend who was working in Saudi came back (also during the same raya) and dumped me with  tons of children s storybooks. Being an old time charity worker, I professionally took the loads, and decided what to do with them. Put them to sale online – a quick professional decision. I wished I could make the same decision about my own books. But how could he have easily let go of the books?  The friend had a child about to come to the age of reading those books, and yet he was giving them away. I asked him about it and was surprised to learn of his thinking.

He shrugged and said; ” The books have been read and had served their purpose. There’ll be other new books for this coming child – We’ll be collecting new books along the way”.

What a new thought to me.  Here I was, congratulating myself on saving  all the story books for the younger child when I could have given them to be used by other children. And worse, all those books that I had been buying for myself. Who am I selfishly saving them for?

I pictured myself dead, my husband and children burning all my books – never read again after my one time reading. You know what? I believe the surah at takaa thuur, the one about people hoarding riches – for the first time, I realised that they do apply to me in terms of my books. I will end up dead- having collected all those books read only once. What a waste of God’s resources! Saving books are not virtuous. Hoarding them could be as bad as hoarding other worldly junk. Watching American hoarders  and their American saviors try to help them had made me think of  throwing away books as the only solution, and I could not accept that. Now, Allah has shown me  a more Islamic way of solving my problem.

So, alhamdulillah, I made up my mind to get rid of my books and let them go to other people who might make better use of them. And I know that I’d better be doing that before “hatta kumul ma qaa bir” applies to me – before my grave arrive to me. heh heh. what a liberating thought!  Kalla sau fa ta’ lamuun.  “Only then I will know”.  Ok, Allah, I will insaf and know now, and not wait till then. I will not wait till I die and see people burning my books.  I will distribute my books to those who will use them now – before I die.

Of course this decision was not made overnight. It was processed during many moons, with pictures of me dying, and teams of people carrying out my cockroach infested @ termite infested books to the trash. Plus, even after I firmly made my decision, I still could not make up a plan on how to do it. Every time I thought of the house, I got a stomach lurch, and I said- Allah- help me out of this quandary.

In the mean time, I was busy working on my new yayasan, and never had time to even plan on the house. Being busy and overtaxed,  I kept paying the house rent- feeling wretched every payment, and then conveniently forgetting about the house till the next pay time.

It was out of desperation that I thought of using my own yayasan to help me.  Feeling desperate and dwon, I had this black thought that had it been another person in trouble asking for my help, I would have use my yayasan to bail him out in a win win solution.

Alhamdulillah, after I allowed myself to think about it, I did came up with a solution to bail me out.  I needed to keep the rented house because I need to use the room  and the shed for my husband’s stuff. I was going to rent out the other rooms as a homestay, but I was not able to do it because my boxes of stuff were all over the house.  My maid had cleaned up the three other rooms, but told me that I needed to take charge of those boxes because she could not do anything about them.

So I decided that I would hand in the house to the yayasan – which would be run by me (duh!). yayasan would pay the rent, and take the profit (or the losses), and I would  take the room and the outside shed as my payment from yayasan. It felt like a crony ish bail out, and I did not feel good about it, but I was desperate- besides, I reasoned, I had already worked for free for this yayasan, and freeing me of this burden would make me a more effective CEO.  And hey, yayasan is only paying for the rent without having to shell out money for the aircond, the beds and furniture.  To make me feel a bit better than worse, I gave myself a deadline- if the venture does not bring in enough money in four months time, I will take back the responsibility for the rental.

Having put the house under yayasan management magically changed the situation. (which is very funny coz yayasan management is only me, ha ha) Having paid this month’s rent with yayasan money, I quit having stomach lurch passing the house- I had adrenaline fight and flight. What are you doing nadiyah, letting people’s money go to waste?!

I immediately commanded my staff to think of a plan and put it in the red zone. We need to bring in money fast. So we held a meeting, and set a target to have the house habitable by – gasp-  two weeks – because my university is having a convo fest, and somebody is sure to take up the house.  The IT team  had to put up an ad on our website- never mind that, first put an ad on Mudah.com- like now!. Somebody go get boxes, and you social workers- go get volunteers to clean up the stuff.

On the morning of the cleanup, I briefed them on our target- to make the house habitable. On my part as the hoarder, I had to sort my books- into those for sale, those I want to keep, and of course stuff to trash. It was funny and not like the show because I was the  hoarder, and also the head of the cleaning team, the only eaction I could think of was kah kah kah.

My student volunteers were very gracious, not commenting much on my junk, and my friend who brought her students was quite soothing- telling me that the books were just too much, and giving it away was the best I could to for them.

What a feeling of accomplishment, when we manage to mop the floor, take down the curtains, ship away those books to be sold, books to be given away. We put my husband’s stuff in new boxes and stored them in the room, to be dealt later in another phase. Now that I have gained control over my own stuff, I am more tolerant towards his. I plan to get  some good wife points by buying shelves and shelving his stuff so that he could get to them conveniently, and should his stuff still be there a year from now, I will dutifully repack them in better containers. Of course I could also do other dutiful wife stuff like solat hajat for his hoardingness heh heh – but I am not going to risk my good wifey points by trying to reform him, no no, not me – I do not have that much good wifey point to begin with.

I must say that I feel gooood because I have just been able to control my stuff, and the rented house is ready to be rented as homestay, and I am not wasting away yayasan’s money or my money. What a difference between me the yayasan ceo and me the nadiyah person. I thank Allah for this decsion, which I feel confident now that I made the right decision, for yayasan and me. Should the business venture not bring in money, I  would gladly take back this house-there is so much I can do with it now that it is habitable. However, I am confident of this venture because so far, I have not lost any money yet in yayasan ventures.

I believe I am a much calmer, happier, more at peace person now than this morning, and I thank Allah for helping me with this, and that is my story of one hoarder’s salvation- self propelled, with the help of video clips brought home by daughter.  However, I will not thank my daughter for bringng back the scary videos, but with motherly pride, I will bop her on the head the next time I see her; “so you think your mother is a hoarder, eh? How could you!” bop, bop!

Trimming The Branches

When we were younger, we had our lives ahead of us. We want to explore and try new paths. Now that I am older I feel that there would always be too many roads to explore, plus I’ve done some road a few times.

What I need to do now is to prune the branches of my life so that the selected few can be cultivated to bloom- with whatever little energy and life left in me so that I can make somewhat of an impact to this world.

Impact might be too strong a word- I mean – to make a difference that counts in- in this life and the Hereafter.

After turning away from world riches ( not the real riches, but the dream and effort of getting them) and fame, he he, I’m left with my family, my work, my khidmat masyarakat, and myself.

Ok- family: running at minimum intrusion.  Two grown up kids, three growing up boys – a matter of waking them up in the morning to send them to school, and fetching them home; a little toddler, who’ll probably grow up with my regular benign neglection.  Oh yes- also a low maintainance husband. Should I say that I’m doing ok in this area?

Work:  Being on sabbatical, I might be biased in judgment. My dream is to run my work on the minimal maintenance mode, though I had vague memories of trips to Kota Bharu and jumping down from the van to teach for ten hours marathon, and night meetings for supervision on top.

I still hope to be able to – heh heh- float through my work. Say if, the people in charge were to hand me my prof madya, and say, that I should be satisfied with that, I could forget about research and writing, and just float on teaching the same subjects again and again? heh heh.

Well, ok, let’s plan it to be somewhere in between free floating   teaching, but let’s say I plan my work to be finished during office hours , do you think I could still devote some hours like two hour every other day, or two days of half -days for yayasan work?

Things I have given up: ( thought I still keep them in my dreams)

to start and finish  the numerous books in my head, the academic ones, the social ones, the self help money earning ones, and (sigh!) the creative self-expressions

ok, book writing I can’t give up the dreams, but I have never yet started on trying to make it a reality.

Other stuff that I have really given up on:

recording wonderful nasyids by children – ok nadiyah- not that important

of writing for children – no nadiyah, you do not have time for that, forget even the dreams- in syurga ok?

of trying to open a pondok. There are too many pondok anyway, plus you already have a yayasan to run.

a zadul maad koop? – can, but put that under your yayasan scheme, which means it is the 100th  down in the list of priority

to start my own business and earn my  money instead of  a salary? – nadiyah- only do this if you get sacked, okay?

vegetable gardens, cili padi, kunyit, soft sawi for the picking – ha ha ha no comment on this ok?

being an active ustazah and reforming the world- yeah yeah you can keep this dream, but how about reducing it to teaching one or two people how to pray

world famous blogger- yeah yeah. sure.  like you can always come back here once a year to type a few lines for your FB friends to read.

I have this wacky sayings fro somewhere which I thought was cute:

Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.

he he – exactly

You can call yourself world famous blogger, nadiyah. won’t cause you a cent, and wont’ hurt anyone in the process. define world as Those who know you- haggle them to read you entries- done. but of course you have to type in something at least once a year. and please could you fix your typo?